One of the vices I've learned about being married is sharing a bank account. I know not all married couples do this, but we do, and though it makes sense for the most part (making mortgage payments, paying bills, buying groceries) I feel like I still struggle with the transparency of my spending habits.
Being in Chicago last weekend with my girlfriends, of course we did a lot of shopping. But how did i decide to spend my first weekend back home? More shopping.
Granted, half of the items were birthday presents, I still couldn't resist getting a few more tops, some jewellery and some shoes, some products at the drug store....lotions, shampoos, and other alluring shiny bottles and tubes of pretty smelling indulgences. :S There were so many great deals!
Upon returning home, I had the urge to spend time infront of the mirror trying on all my clothes like I usually love to do when I return from a successful shopping trip. But this time, when I got home and looked at my husband quietly watching TV at home, bags of shopping that I had not yet even opened from my shopping trip in Chicago, I suddenly felt ashamed. I shoved my new purchases in the closet and ignored them all weekend.
I got to thinking about how many things I feel embarassed trying to justify to my husband. Frequent trips to the hair salon, the nail bar, the RMT, the Russian waxing lady, the shoe stores, the irresistable Que We shops. IT's not that i'm scared of his reaction. It's my mere embarassment for my extravaggant lifestyle in comparison to his. Anyway, a shared bank account (and not to mention a shared closet) leave little room for me to hide my shopoholicsm. So as I quietly open my poor precious purchases, slightly wrinkled from being in the bag all weekend, and admit my fault to S by laying the items out on the bed and trying on my new shoes in my pjs.
He doesn't react much, as is the usual way that he expresses himself to me. Very even. very laid back. Always fair and always loving. "Those look nice," he says.
That's all I need to hear.
But I still have a lot to learn.