I’ve never considered myself as the businesswoman type. Though I’ve often worked long hours for my very demanding team I once worked for, and been in a love-hate relationship with handheld communication devices and email, my motivation was never driven by my work and I’ve never defined myself by what I do. In school I could point out those who would make a lot of money later in life based on the kind of drive they had for success and achievement and credentials, but I knew I wouldn’t be that person because I simply had no interest to do so. Don’t get me wrong…I’ve always been motivated to do well in what I did, always putting in a lot of effort to put projects together and to get good marks. But I just lacked that interest in making this amount of dollars and being CEO one day.

However, to my own surprise I’ve been mulling over starting my own business one day. I’ve finally found something that I’m really interested in and that I think I will be good at and can really make a living from. Anyway…I’ve been given an opportunity to work toward building this goal, but it’s going to require a lot of sacrificed time for the next couple of years or so and I guess this is where my dilemma lies. I have to weigh out my priorities…I already have a fulltime job, plus I now have a husband and a dog that I’ve already committed to taking care of and loving. I know they would both understand and get used to the idea of me being busy all the time, but my question is do I want this for my family?

It’s funny because last sermon at the Meeting House was about “Travelling Light” where we were taught that the meaning of life is relationships and that we should pare away all the things that keep us from dedicating ourselves to building relationships with others and with God—whether it’s baggage, material things or busyness/business. When I got married I promised to put my husband first, when I got a dog, I promised to have time to take care of it, and when I have children, I will put them first as well. I used to think that this was the downfall of women and why women could never advance as far as men in the business world….because many women feel they should put their families ahead of career. Now this is not going to turn into a feminist critique because then I would find myself in a paradox. I think that the only explanation for this dilemma is that God’s plan for women was never intended to be hindered by the way of the world, but that the way of the world always manages to hinder God’s plan.

It would be so much easier if God was a feminist because then I would have a ground for the decisions I make. Sharl would be the first to attest to the fact that I always try to assert my own ways never wanting to be submissive. The most challenging demand from God to me as a married woman is definitely the “wives, submit to your husbands” part. As I struggle to live that out, I know deep down that it is not a command to put women in their place, but it is a lesson to remind us to show gentleness and respect for our partners. Anyway…I’m rambling and veering off topic, but these issues snowball into reasons that hold me back for now. There is no reason that I can’t have my own business and a successful marriage/family life in the future…people do it all the time. I just have to remind myself that I can no longer make all the decisions for myself and do what I want because I have to consider and respect the needs of others. Especially now since I've made a life commitment to another person. I just have to find out if I have what it takes to accomplish it without sacrificing one for the other.