After spending over 2 ½ hours writing like a madwoman and filling two exam booklets with postcolonial feminist film theory, I must ask myself why I feel compelled to write once again. Firstly, writing is therapeutic, and I need some therapy. I am denied my conventional and (in my opinion) more constructive method of solving problems, and thus am redirected to self-medication. I like to purge my thoughts in writing. I’ve also had sometime to think…even when I should have been concentrating on Appadurai’s Global Economy of Cultural Flow, and Isaac Julien’s Black Is, Black Ain’t.

Firstly, I want to make the claim that people’s threshold of what is deemed acceptable behaviour is different and individually relative. For some, eating meat is wrong because humankind is placing their rights above animals’ rights and subjecting animals to intolerable cruelty order satisfy human desires of consumption. For others, abortion is considered an acceptable method that empowers women to gain control of their bodies and mastery over their own destinies.
In a less extreme case, smoking for some people is considered a disgusting habit and sign of weakness. Smoking generally bad for your health and the environment. Smoking also leads to yellow teeth, loss of taste and smell abilities, inactivity, wasted money, general smelliness, lung cancer, heart disease and even death. It contributes to pollution because of the carcinogenic carbon being emitted into the air, as well as the non-biodegradable filters that litter the streets and sidewalks. The act of smoking is selfish and inconsiderate act that inhibits others from staying healthy and breathing fresh air. Smoking is also a sign of personal weakness; a cheap attempt to fit in and look cool, and an easy way out of handling stress. Albeit most consequences of smoking are negative, some people still do not consider smoking a big deal, and that non-smoker-friendly people should just learn to accept the choices people make.
Another arguably trivial case is that of pornography, strip clubs and trashy men’s magazines. These socially acceptable means of engaging in the “harmless” act of looking is actually detrimental to the image of women, the power-relations among males and females, and the misconceptions of reality. By gazing at the sexualized female body on display, the woman becomes objectified. She is no longer a person, but an object to fulfill man’s lustful desires. The practice of looking is an active one, where the process of being looked at is passive. For years, women have been objects of the male gaze… from renaissance nude portraiture to contemporary playboy centerfolds. Thus as the male looks at the female body, he is empowered and has mastery over the female body image. The misconception of reality occurs when these photographed images or dancing bodies become the benchmark of what women should be modeled after: subservient sexual beings. No wonder females feel inadequate with the bodies they are in… how could they ever compare to such impossible standards? Maybe females should learn to discern reality from the construed and obvious lie of the touched up perfect photograph. However…we live in a visually seductive culture. Images speak louder than you think. Then again, some guys think that this stuff is no big deal, and girls just have to be tolerant and not make a big deal of the fact that yes… your boyfriend/husband probably looks at porn on the Net. Most guys don’t consider ogling after “unattainable” girls cheating. I might be to differ on this opinion.
I find that the latter “trivial” social controversy is a big deal that goes against my personal values and beliefs as well as religious ones. I admit that I have been affected by perfect centerfold images, and have consequently felt inadequate about my body and the way I look. At the same time, I admit to have fallen into the temptation of smoking to relieve stress and to lose weight. I am not proud smoking by any means…but smoking does not make me an overall weak person. And it does not mean that I knowingly and deliberately went against my faithfulness or that I don’t pride myself on having strong character.

But should those who don’t abide by the same standards of acceptability be forced to halt practices they don’t consider a big deal with? In a relationship, yes, I think each person should try… One should recognize the fact that these behaviours may be considered unacceptable to the other person, and should be mindful and respectful of that account. I also think that each person has a responsibility to be tolerant of others downfalls, and not condemn them for weak behavior. After all, in a love relationship sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice your own feelings and opinions for the sake of the other. I do recognize that I have obligations to fulfill… to myself, to God, to Sharl, and to my family.

I also recognize the fact that I need to practice self-discipline...this is an internal re-working though, and cannot be motivated by any external forces. I have given serious thought and have even spent this evening praying about my downfalls and bad habits, and I think God is leading me to practice fasting. I think that perhaps by denying certain pleasures and necessities of life, I will gain strength in doing without certain comforts. I also recognize that I need to be held accountable for my actions… I am going to ask my small group to pray for my weaknesses and to keep me accountable for not going down the same destructive paths. So to you whom I have hurt in not keeping promises, I am sorry.