My stomach hurts. Everything is not as it should be, and I feel flustered inside.
I miss Sharl, and I wish I could just tell him. I would love to erase these 2 months he's been gone and start off back in May. Things were so good, and life was so nice and simple. I am mad at myself for being impatient with him.. for just wanting everything my way and for wanting to hog all of his free time. I just got frustrated when he chose sleep over me... as stupid as it sounds, I was insulted. And now I've missed the chance to speak to him and sort things out, and have made a mess of myself. I just want to hear his voice and tell him I love him. I was thinking about how different we are and why we even manage to get along. He may not like to have long conversations with me, or like going out, or want to stay up late, or go shopping. He may not be a lot of things I demand and expect of him. But he fills in all my gaps, and when it comes down to everything important that I need in someone, he is there hands down. My heart hurts so much thinking about how I have do not have the integrity to be satisfied with what I have... and underlying everything, I love him... and I couldn't bear to give up anything about him for a second. I wish I could just tell this to him right now. And that I am soooo sorry.