Wednesday, February 20, 2008

One of the observations of feeling like an official adult is that I've come to see my family from a different vantage point. My parents are no longer people against whom I rebel. My brother is not someone against whom I fight for the remote control. My grandparents no longer seem they can stand the test of time.

My parents are more laid back than I had ever realized; people I have so much to learn from. My brother surprises me all the time as he is transitioning into adulthood just like me. He’s ambitious and reliable, owns a home and is going to become a husband soon! And my grandparents are just so rapidly slowing down that I can hardly keep up with it. This has probably been the most noticeable and difficult dichotomy of my family getting older: just as I am arriving at adulthood, they seem to be leaving.

I was very close to my grandparents growing up, and when my family uprooted to Toronto, visiting my Grandma and Grandpa would assure me that I'd always have ties to home. My grandma grew up in rural Quebec without electricity, and my Grandpa lived in the heart of the city in Montreal. They’ve now lived just outside Montreal in the same house for 50 years. I spent every summer with them in that house growing up, and during these visits, I learned things only grandparents can teach...about my ancestors being among the first settlers from Scotland in the eastern townships of Quebec, what it was like to live during the war, how to grow huge tomatoes, knit a pair of slippers, bake a quiche, treat people with kindness and to just enjoy an uncomplicated life. I remember thinking that when I’d grow up to be an adult, I’d be best friends with them and send my kids to their house for the summer just as I had. Of course, I expected they would be frozen in time as I had known them and just juxtaposed to the future.

I didn’t anticipate dementia, Alzheimer’s, emphysema...cancer.
It’s now in my face that life doesn’t stand still. I’m lucky for the rich memories, but I’m also scared for what’s to come. I’m not ready to face the sadness, so for now I’ll just stand still frozen in time.